What does a good conversation feel like? Is it normal for a conversation to leave you feeling stressed, overwhelmed with a lack of confidence in your decisions plummeting your self-esteem. Is it right to allow ourselves to be involved in all conversations. People are a mix of sensitive and opinionated, some hours of the day we lean on the earlier and other hours we can be passionate.
Trust your judgement
First and foremost, this is important. You know yourself better than anyone else and you also know what is best for your life. Whether it be a young child contemplating a decision or an adult. This falls under intuition whereby one has the self-reliance to understand which life choices and perspective allows them to be themselves and live easily. People have a different purposes, experiences and pathways in life. When talking to these other people about situations you are in or the next goals you are achieving you can receive certain advice and judgement. Some people can be pushy and persuasive in imposing their insight and beliefs on you. There is a need to build a strong sense of self to remain confident in your intuition and true to your individual perspective. In circumstances where a person may have experienced growing up in either or both a neglectful abusive environment their sense of self could need strengthening.
Self Focus
Ways that have helped me to begin to build my self-esteem were to identify words including 'self.' Here's a list to start: Self worth, self acceptance, self love, self awareness, self exploration, self empowerment, self discovery, self transformation, self mastery, self expression, self acceptance, self knowledge, self care, self sufficiency.
Choose one of the words from the list for example 'self love' and reflect on what the word means for you. Maybe you had not heard of the word before or even thought of including it as a practice in your life. Some of these words are glazed upon by people and can be ridiculed by people who choose to you diminish your sense of self. On contrary to certain cultural beliefs and family expectations building your self is not only healthy for your happiness contributing to your overall wellbeing it also allows you to embark on successful endeavours and independently live a life you desire. As you begin to focus on self love you will search to include activities and gestures in your day channelling self love. Allow yourself to receive this self love and give yourself permission to fully feel the emotions, it may be unnerving to begin with. Especially if you have been discouraged to express your emotions and were prevented from feeling loved consistently or accepted. Sit with it. Give yourself time to breathe through your emotions and feel safe and comforted. A saying or mantra which could help to repeat is 'love is always there when I need it', 'I am love', 'I am worthy of love', 'love flows to me and in me,'
Unwanted advice
As you dedicate time to building your self worth privately your interactions will change socially. You may begin to question whether you agree with how people are talking to you, comments made by others about your life decisions and goals. You may even struggle to express this to the people you usually confide in and have lengthy conversations with. Other friends, online communities and books we will help support you and encouragement to continue to practice trusting your gut. You will find friends who can listen to you and acknowledge your feelings without needing to justify it and offer no judgement. It can feel strange as you question how the people you usually confide in no longer understand that certain words they say or unsolicited advice effects you personally. It is different from some previous experiences you have had and you are in a different phase of your life where you are not asking for permission or needing to listen to advice. You are undeniably capable of making your own life choices and have already made decisions for you to follow through with. These opportunities you have worked hard to recieve and are for you to experience. Celebrate your new opportunities and steps you take, whether it be large fast-paced steps or smaller more calculative ones, to achieving a goal or manifestation.
Timing for discussions
People in conversations with you may be passionate while you could be contemplative. You may need to need to limit conversations to a time when you are feeling more energised and self assured. For example, spend time with your friend after doing fitness instead of a night conversation occurring after you realise you are feeling sleepy or after busy day of work. That way you feel more light-hearted and are feeling confident in the conversation. If you have trouble changing your routine make an intention for conversations to only occur for a set amount of time. For instance, one catch-up you could spend one hour talking instead of the usually two or a thirty minute phone call could be ten instead. Leaving more moments and time to share together next time you see each other. This will lead to more regular check ins and more energy ke pt in your catch ups. Rather than feeling drained, tired and uneasy questioning your decisions.
Consider arranging catchups to include another person or two so there are less one-on-one discussions. This will encourage the group of three or four to equally share their recent experiences and days with each other and allows open conversations open conversations considerate to each group members feelings. Having group interactions rather than only one-on-ones conversations create a fun and supportive environment where two or all people are conscious of the group dynamic. There is also the opportunity to talk less and listen to others' ideas and stories for longer periods. You can also leave the room to have a break to recharge energy and have self time without having one person waiting by themselves. Group conversations can be equally helpful for interactions with family and friends.
Words By Juliette Pierre
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