Practicing saying no despite the reactions surrounding you is a step into living a life of fulfilment. Declining events, conversations and situations is a part of self-confidence and being brave to stay true to your unique purpose.
It is hard to say ‘no’. I realised this tendency to struggle to say no and my answer to be respected was inherited from my upbringing of never being able to say no to anyone or finding it rather inheritably hard to hear a family or friend say ‘no’ to me. This is classified as being a people pleaser. A persona I have tried to part with in the recent years. When are the situations you may say no to, when someone invites you for an interstate or overseas holiday, someone who is asking for your time, someone asking you to be involved with an activity you are not interested in. I wondered why in the beginning of saying no to these opportunities, why did I feel bad for declining them. I was put in a position where the person of asking wanted a benefit from my actions, time or money. By blatantly saying ‘no’ without cushioning it with excuses was opposed with.
Opportunities rise again as those people surrounding you will ask you for your involvement in situations. So, what happens when you keep saying no. Respect comes into play, these people realise how often they have been in your presence, taken your money and time. They will compliantly remove themselves from being in your availability and lower their expectation of you. Our days are supposed to be free, lessening of commitment and re-occurring activities soon to unfold into a whole year of people pleasing. As you say no to them you are saying ‘yes’ to your purpose, aspects you enjoy and value in life. That is inevitably your right, you are allowed to say no. You will be alternatively saying 'yes' to saving your money, spending your time in fulfilling ways, conserving your energy, staying in charge of your happiness and rewarding yourself. To not be guilt-ridden by saying ‘no’ and taking the power back to your inner self is first and foremost of importance. It may take some time to practice saying ‘no’ to these requests. I will not deny you will not be met with cussing, insults, distain, mocking and arguing characters.
We are born with choices and two decisions to make. We should be active in our decision making, our thinking, of all we consume and particularly cautious of our influence.
People do not like hearing ‘no’ either, I was that person in the beginning as a people pleaser. I came to realising my friends and family did not have to help me, set and attend meetings with me, contact me on the phone or carry long conversations. In letting go of our pride of holding power and influence over other people; what they do and what they say, we let ourselves know the only person we are in control of is ourselves and that alone is an ongoing journey of discovery to fulfill. We as humans are incapable of being in charge of other people’s lives in our lifetime. We are born with choices and two decisions to make. We should be active in our decision making, our thinking, of all we consume and particularly cautious of our influence. People’s reactions to your ‘no’ is not your fault and you are never accountable for people’s feelings.
If in the moment saying no makes sense to you and comes naturally, say it and do not hold back. Trust your instincts. It might be the no that precedes the end of a toxic relationship, going broke again, running a series of events you have no interest in or saves you from making a lifetime of unhealthy decisions. You have the choice to say no. The choice is all yours. For myself, I’m hoping five years from now I am living more freely then I am now. Each day I am learning about the choices I can make, the moments that I can bring value to my life. It may not look like anything the people surrounding me have ever seen before. At my core it feels right to me, it feels easy and loving. Saying ‘no’ represents freedom and is a lifelong lesson in itself.
A song suited to setting boundaries carrying us through the choices we have and are yet to make,
Written By Juliette Pierre
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